I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
