My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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