Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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