So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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