there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
