On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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