trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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