I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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