Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
