I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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