he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
