so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
