You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
nutella sex= disaster
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
