We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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