Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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