Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
