Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
