The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Randomize
