Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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