remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
