U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
