Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
