and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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