he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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