his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
