i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
