Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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