Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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