I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
