if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Enjoy the penises
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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