She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
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