After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
