you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
