I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
