Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There's always time for handjobs
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
