If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
