Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
