You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
