peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
