using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
