THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
