im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
