i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
