he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
