gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
