the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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