i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
