I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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