dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
