I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
