I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
NoShamevember. You game?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
