everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
