there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
