Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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