He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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