I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
