I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
