I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
