weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
