The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
how drunk are you?
Several
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You ruined the universe
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
